Humor ''on the air''!

[NFEEFE]

Μετα απο λιγο:
ATC: "Τι θα γινει ο τυπος που πετατε; Ειναι και καπου 25 ετων;"
Β734: - (δεν ακουγεται κατι στη συχνοτητα, αλλωστε η παρακολουθηση γινεται μεσω ιντερνετ)
ATC: "Ρωταω γιατι πετανε κατι αλλα, Β733 που ειναι πιο παλια..

Εγω ακουσα τον πιλοτο να λεει δεν ειναι και 25 χρονων,ειναι και τα 733.Αλλα ρε γαμωτο πολλα τα εχασα γιατι η συνδεση στο ιντερνετ δεν ηταν καλη...

 

[vassdel]

Αυτά τα ακούτε στην συχνότητα του ATC ή σε κάποια άλλη μέσω internet? Εγώ όταν ακούω το ATC, ακούω πλήρως τις επικοινωνίες, αμφίδρομα.

 

[makedonas]

Βρες μου τον τροπο εδω που ειμαι να ακουω μεσω scanner το ATC του LGAV και θα κοψω τις φλεβες μου σε φετακια 0,01mm!

 

[SX-Petros]

Προσγειωση ΟΑ στη Αθηνα

ΟΛΥΜΠΙΑΚΗ ΧΧΧ Ελευθεροι για προσγειωση 33R ανεμοι χχχχ αναφερατε 2μιλια τελικη

ΠΙΛΟΤΟΣ Στα 2 μιλια τελικη και θα μπορουσα να σας πω κυρια μου οτι το μπλουζακι σας ,σας παει πολυ

 

[OA701]

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough for another one."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Northwest 605: "Northwest 605 request taxi to the active MSP."
Ground: "Northwest 605 taxi to runway **, follow the CRJ, you will be number two."
Northwest 605: "Roger, we will follow the Smurf-Jet."
Flagship 5600: "At least my airplane does not qualify for an AARP membership.."
'Northwest 605' was a DC-9. 'Flagship (Pinnacle) 5600' was a CRJ.
(For those who don't know, AARP is the American Association of Retired Persons, and CRJ stands for Canadair Regional Jet.)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Και μερικά απο UTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWhor4wbMp8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4SL5woA-jA&feature=related
Συνομιλία Air China με ΑΤC του JFK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AFv48IWhJw&feature=related
Alitalia lost in JFK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiC0kGJOe5g&feature=related

 

[GP707]

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.

Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced
airline going today without filing a flight plan?'


-----------------------

Nova 851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for
10,000, requesting runway 15."

Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave
a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks.
Expect runway 06."

-----------------------

Lost student pilot: " Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling
overhead, please identify yourself."


---------------------------

Frankfurt Control: 'AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R.
You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed
to 130 knots.'

Pilot: 'Roger, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to
one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya.'

Control: (a few moments later): 'AF33, helicopter traffic at 90
knots now 11/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.'

Pilot: 'AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots'

Control: 'AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic
now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots'

Pilot (a little miffed): 'Sir, do you know what the stall speed of
this here C-130 is?'

Control: 'No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.'


--------------------------

Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.

Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.

Controller: Oh, Oh, S**t You have traffic!

---------------------

O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain
250 knots.

USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?

O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.
----------------------
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH, altimeter 1019.

Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?

ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH, altimeter 1019

------------------------

Cessna 152: 'Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred'

Controller: 'Roger, contact Houston Space Center '

--------------------------

Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.

ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.

-------------------------

Student Pilot: 'I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward thebig "E".

Controller: 'Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on
radar.' (short pause)... Controller: 'Okay then. That big lake
is the Atlantic Ocean . Suggest you turn to the big "W" immediately .'

--------------------

Pilot: 'Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME.'

Approach: 'Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'.'
Pilot: 'Approach, 202's unable that descent rate.'
Approach: 'What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?'

Pilot: 'Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours.'

-----------------------------

Tower: 'American...and for your information, you were slightly to
the left of the centerline on that approach.'

American: 'That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to theright'

-----------------------

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60. (pause)

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!' (pause)

Controller: 'USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!'

Pilot: 'Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right

name you'd get a better response!'

-----------------------

BB: 'Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet.'

Bay Approach: 'Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude.'

BB: 'Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been
run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!'

Bay Approach: 'That's a good reason. 8300 approved.'


---------------------------

Tower: 'Cessna 123, turn right now and report your heading.'

Pilot: 'Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...'

---------------------------------

Foreign Pilot Trainee: 'Tower, please speak slowly, I am a baby in
English and lonely in the cockpit'

-----------------------

Controller: 'CRX600, are you on course to SUL?'
Pilot: 'More or less.'

Controller: 'So proceed a little bit more to SUL.'

----------------------------

Pilot: 'Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and
push back, please.'

Tower: 'KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.'

Pilot: 'Please confirm: two hours delay?'

Tower: 'Affirmative.'

Pilot: 'In that case, cancel the good morning!'

 

[grappi7]

ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?"

Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."

ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years..."

ενα ωραιο θα ψαξω και για αλλα

 

[GP707]

ψάξε και για άλλα, αρκεί να μην έχουν ξαναμπεί (όπως το παραπάνω)

 

[grappi7]

οπ συγνωμη
να και αλλα :
ABC: London tower this is alpha bravo charlie on short final 33.
TWR: Alpha bravo charlie, negative visual contact pull up go around.
I took a good hard look for the a/c and saw nothing so I called tower and got cleared to go. I heard 2 more renditions of the "On short final" and "Pull up go around" act. On the fourth try the pilot got a bit frustrated about the wave off. It went like this.
TWR: Negative visual contact pull up and go around.
ABC: Well look out you window, I'm right bloody in front of you!
Tower came back very cool and collected.
TWR: Alpha bravo charlie look down into the centre of the runway pattern. Do you see a big white radar dome?
ABC: err....negative dome tower.
TWR: That's because you're not over London. You're over Waterloo-Wellington 50 miles north-east of my position. Waterloo-Wellington tower frequency is 125.00. I think they would like to talk to you.

Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

ATC - "Flight 1234, for noise abatement, turn right 45 degrees."


Pilot - "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"


ATC - "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

 

[steftsak]

Καλησπερα,
Να ρωτησω κατι...

Μπορει καποιος να μου δωσει ενα link για να μπορω να ακουσω συνομιλιες ελληνικων αεροσκαφων με πυργο ή μεταξυ τους?

Ενα link που δινει ο Ακης , μου λεει οτι δεν υποστηριζει windows media player...